2016 will go down as a year I will never forget. How could I?
While many people will say in retrospect tonight as they are reviewing and pondering the last twelve months that 2016 was one of the worst years ever – from mass shootings, natural disasters, Civil War-esque decisions like North Carolina’s Anti-Transgender Bathroom Law, premature deaths of “celebrities,” the election – my take will be highly contrary.
2016 was the year I changed.
No, I did not change at my core; rather, I succumbed to my own obstinance.
Never again was I getting married. Never again was I going to become vulnerable to another human being – one who had the potential to plummet me into the bottomless abyss of emotional toil. No thanks. Been there, done that, not going back.
This is not new information to anyone that knows me, my history, my former tumult. And this certainly comes as no surprise to those of you who were around me during those years of indelible renunciation.
But this morning, at a crisp 5:28am, I rolled over and said the following words to my husband:
“Surprise! I’m awake. I love you <something something something>. It’s New Year’s Eve! Go Bucks! Thank you for giving me family.”
As per usual, the words that spewed out of my mouth both shocked and melted Ryan. He’s amazing. Being married to him is beyond what I can even still yet fathom and absolutely more than I ever thought was possible.
And as per his usual, he responded in a way that reciprocally melted me:
“Thank me? Thank ME???” “Isn’t it crazy that we now both have what I used to think about all the time and you refused to acknowledge? That’s so us.”
In that moment, we both knew who actually deserved our thanks and praise. So we gave it to Him.
I hope your 2017 is filled with whatever your “us” is – friends, family, community, acceptance of a changed you…hope and unconditional love.