A few days ago Liv graced me with her presence as we drove through car lots in a dual effort to identify her preferences and, unbeknownst to her, provide some thorough entertainment value for me.  She is enrolled in Driver’s Ed and will have her permit in late July.  Which means my sole reason for existence right now is to purchase some sort of tank-like vehicle to keep her safe…and out of the driver’s seat of my car.

A couple months back I asked the soon-to-be-yikes-driver if she was looking forward to checking out cars together.  Her response?  “Well, I don’t have to look much farther than the garage, do I?”  She’s good.  I do enjoy when I see glimpses of my personality shining through.  It gives a parent this false persona of man, am I doing a good job.  (And no, I will not admit that at least once or twice I actually did consider giving a fifteen year old an Acura.  Have mercy on my brain.)

I really had no idea what kind of car Liv would like.  Oh sure, I ask.  But her answer for that is the same as it is when I ask her how her day was.  Or if she’s hungry.  Or if she remembers being debriefed on the whereabouts of her real, leathery-like, alien parents who breathe fire out of one nostril at a time, in sync to Bach’s Concerto for Two Violins a la that fountain outside the Bellagio in Vegas.

As we slowly cruised through Preferred Auto (I have no intention of buying her car there but she doesn’t know that), I studied her body language carefully.

“You like that one, sweetie?” 
<silence> 
“Um ok, what about that one?” 
<eye roll>

Lovely.  She’s walking, I thought to myself.  Maybe I could resurrect my yellow Huffy with the basket, bell and sparkly thing-a-ma-jigs in the spokes.   Actually no, that won’t be necessary since she’s not leaving the house and will have no phone to call for a ride.

I’ve read about parents like me that cause this behavior.  I suck.  My kid is spoiled and yet, I’m about to spend X-grand on her nonetheless.  I’m smarter than this.  Yes I am.  Oh hells yes I am!  I think I can…I think I can…I think I can.  Wait till you see the could and the can and the will in THIS engine, sister!

“Mom, Mom!  I like that one!  A LOT!” 

Chevy Impala.  I think my new car will be silver.